This is a post... is personal, took a long time coming and it took me lot of courage to put my words together for it. But I felt it would be nice, if I put it out there, if not for any one's sake but mine.
My grandmother - Mrs. Anima Banerjea passed away on August 4, 2007, in New Delhi, INDIA. To be joined with her departed companion, my grandfather late Mr. Subimal Chandra Banerjea after about 16 years and few weeks to the date of his passing. I was as disconnected from her passing away as can be. Sitting in my home in metro Atlanta, (GA, USA), praying as hard as I could, calling up every day and night trying to find out if she was doing better in the hospital. Sometimes glimmer of home and sometimes not so much. I was probably hoping against hope that my prayers would make a difference this time. (In 1991, when my grandfather had died in Lucknow, I was not told about his sad demise, till I got to Lucknow and was praying all the way as I only knew that he was seriously ill). But as inevitable as it was, she passed away and as I was told for her own good as her physical self was enduring a lot of pain.
This blog entry is about what I learned from her life.
I learnt to put - your family, your loved ones before self. Dadima worked tirelessly to make sure everybody in the family was well fed and safe in the bed when night came along. Her speciality was - the Indian desserts and snacks. Home made and in bulk. There was always some personal touch to what she came up with. Near the festive season, the efforts doubled and tripled because guests were expected.
Techniques she learnt from generations before her she tried to pass down the cooks and orderlies in the family. She also was constantly updating her skills with new recipes which she learnt from reading magazines or saw on television. I remember one particularly was chili panner, which has been my favorite for years. Note: I did not like Panner till that culinary delight prepared by my grandma came along.
Dadima grew up in the 1920s, in pre-independent India. India where was caste system was very prevalent and more strict than what I have come know as I turned teen. Lucky enough to be born in a high caste (in fact the highest - Brahmin's), she had some reservations on certain things but overall she was a kind hearted person. Always open to helping out people in distress and treated everybody with respect.
She insisted on asking anybody who came to our door for a glass of water or some drink. Be it a postman delivering mail or a labourer working on some project at home. Any guest visiting us would get his or her share of the home made dessert or snack. There was always plenty of it go around. If not, you can be sure, she would have saved some her favorite grandchild!
Her father was a Superintendent of Police in pre-independent India. Not a easy post to have in colonial India for a man of his skin color. So, not only it was an envious position to have back then and somewhat privileged but maybe today - 60 years after India's independence, it may be looked down upon as being aiding the British rule the country. However, Dadima was proud of her father public service.
She did have stories on her father chasing down hardened criminals but may be sometime miscreants who would damage public property and risk their lives and others. But never did I hear say any ill words about the independence fighters or swadeshi's. I have a feeling deep down even then she was deeply patriotic even then but little afraid to show it. I am also sure in those days - my late great grandfather (paternal-maternal) would have seen that a job, a means to get by and take care of the family. Being good and hard working at what he did, he got promoted and deserved the privileges. I guess - "One man's freedom fighter is another man's militant." The same holds true today too. But the lesson learnt here was that you always look up to hands that feed you and arms that shelter you. She maintained her father legacy with great pride.
Dadima got married to my grandfather (Late Shri Subimal Chandra Banerjea) in her early teens and was settled in Lucknow. A house built by my great grandfather (paternal - paternal) "Purimal Kutir" or 15, Nazarbagh, Lucknow, Uttar Pradesh was where she would spend most of her life. It is now the older part of Lucknow's neighbourhood. Close to Hazartganj, Lucknow's business district.
From then on, the most dominant person in her life became her mother-in-law. A person whom I came affectionately remember as Deeli-ma. In Dadima's admittance, she was very afraid of Deeli-ma. However, my memories of Deeli-ma (my late great grandmother (paternal-paternal)), somewhat faint, of a frail loving woman, nothing like what Dadima would have known in her younger years. (Deeli-ma passed away in a stormy night in May 1984 in New Delhi, INDIA. Unfortunately, that's a night I remember too well and also recall some of the suffering that old age can bring, even in the best of circumstances.)
But back to Dadima, from her I learnt to respect her elders and absorb the advice like a sponge. There is always wisdom, years of experience and most of all care for you when they speak.
Yes, I will truly miss her. There will also be a regret (among tons of others) I will carry more than anything is that Dadima could not meet Mishti (aka Akriti Banerjea)- her great granddaughter, my daughter - in person. Dadima only knew Mishti through the pictures, phone conversations, VoIP and web cam encounters.
It is for me to now to make sure that Mishti would learn about her great grandmother more than what she sees in old pictures. I will not be able give the half the selfless love that Dadima would have showered on Mishti, but I hope to still teach Mishti what Dadima's life represented to her off springs and beyond...
